My dentist does that. My dentist does that LITERALLY.

The teeth that were torn out (before they fell out) last January left me toothless on top. (picture a toothless hag witch with a big wart on her chin and nose… I did) I aided and abetted in this endeavor because I am a vain, shallow, female-of-a-certain-age who equates dentures and other dental appliances as a scarlet letter A branded in glowing letters on my face. Dentures and partial dentures were for OLD PEOPLE (and ugly hag witches). *I* am not an ‘old people’ (I keep telling myself) (shut up lotions, potions, creams, and retinol-A infused emollients overflowing my bathroom cabinet… silence, I say!)

But I digress… ahem…

Toothless, yes, but only for a moment. They immediately screwed in a set of teeth. Yes, I said, screwed in. Let me tell you, a Black and Decker electric screwdriver in your mouth is a very strange sensation to feel (and hear).

The first set was horrible, even for temporary teeth. The compensation set was slightly better. Today I got to see the work-in-progress, final set of screw-in teeth for me.


They look… real! They look like my own teeth might have if I had proper dental care and orthodontics at a much earlier age. And whitening. And boatloads of cash.

But… they were the wax version, a preliminary fitting to make final adjustments with. My mouth and I had to let them go back to the factory so they can be replicated in something more durable than wax.

More screwing around in my mouth.

Dr. O is my dentist. My implants are on his Bucket List. We began talking about them over ten years ago and he wanted to make sure they were completed before he retired. Dr. O has been ready and able to retire anytime in the past five years… except for a few cases like my mouth.

As it is, I am in hock to the Tooth Fairy big time for the next 12 months. This is one of those ‘no interest’ loans that if you don’t pay it back in full at the end of 12 months, all the interest (and it is ENORMOUS interest) kicks in retroactively for the full amount. Ouch. Vain, yes, and I haven’t won the lottery yet. (drat! I do, too, buy tickets!)

So… I need to remain gainfully employed at least another year. I can’t retire for another seven years, but I need to stay employed for another year for the Tooth Fairy.

I think they know this.