You are currently browsing the monthly archive for December 2009.

Despite living healthy, eating organic, and thinking positive… heredity will tell. You can remove pesticides from your dining table and petrochemicals from your cleaning supplies, looking to raise your children as healthy as possible. These are all good and worthy actions to take… but heredity began long before you were born.

You can mitigate it. You can delay it. You can even work with it, but you cannot escape it.

My father lost all his teeth in his twenties. Both sets of my grandparents wore dentures. Bone loss cost my mother her natural-born teeth while she was still in her early to mid 40s. Brothers and sister have various dental issues, but this January I am the first to lose all my upper teeth.

It has been a struggle for me to deal with. This loss of teeth and bone resonates as ‘old’ to me. My vanity shames me. It is so petty, the whole dental image thing, when a near and dear deals with stage 3 melanoma. She is young. She is pretty. She is smart.

She WILL be fine.

Take perfectly smooth, blemish-free arms, and create scars born of the excisions made in an attempt to remove the carcinogenic cells. Endure the pain, discomfort, and uncertainty of healing while waiting for results. Cherish children, maintain a cheerful demeanor, and endeavor to live as ‘normally’ as possible. Do not scare the children. Do not alarm your partner. Do not dream of relatives who have had cancer… those who lived, and those who died, too.

The results come, and they didn’t get it all. Now it is time to see the oncologist, make schedules and plans for treatments, research the options, and submit to further incisions/excisions, etc.

She WILL be fine.

Difficult choices lie ahead and I cannot do anything to change that. I can pray (and I do!) and I can try to cover as many of the stress points as I can with my presence, support, faith, and love, but the truth is, I really cannot do anything at all to take the pain away… take the fear and worry away… and I cannot lie well enough to promise it will be all better soon…

She WILL be fine.

We all know survivors. She will be one, as well. Part of her heritage is a bone-deep conviction that life cannot complete its job without her. (And honestly, we know it would really rather not.)

I have faith that she will hold her grandchildren… but the in-between times are a little murky at the moment.

I swear I didn’t do anything to cause it. I woke up with the messed up ankle… so I’m back on crutches and in an air cast (I really have gotten my money’s worth from that thing!). The crutches needed shortened because Stephen used them last. I smiled to myself as he cussed the screws and wing nuts tightened so much that he had trouble loosening them because he was the one who made them that way.

I have been to the doctor who sent me for x-rays. The x-ray technician refused to comment. The doc will give me a note if I need it but let’s face it— it’s not like this is unusual for me to injure myself. At least for today I cannot drive (Stephen played chauffeur this morning), the foot must be rested, iced for 20 minutes three times today, and I can take ibuprofen for the ‘discomfort’ (ow-ee!). I still have NO CLUE how it happened. I stepped out of bed on my left foot. No problem. But when I put the other foot down— wow-zers did I see stars!

I used crutches to hobble to and from the appointments this morning. This is not a recommended activity for me because (ahem) I have a precarious grasp on coordination at best, and a better-than-average affinity for gravity pockets. (sigh)

Back home again, I loaded up with both laptops, my cell phone, and water. All set to rock n’ roll… except I couldn’t get into my computer at work. The new Cisco VPN client was not accepting my password. After several rounds with long distance IT, we narrowed down the single character that was the culprit, made a new password just for the VPN account, and since then I have been answering emails, reviewing a contract, and generally being a good little do-be busy worker bee.

The air cast makes it possible to hobble without the crutches in the house. This is a good thing. One cannot labor on laptops with copious water glasses and coffee cups without needing to take a bio break…

“Who begins too much accomplishes little.”
— German Proverb

Ahhh… yes, we are a group of people insanely optimistic in our abilities. We multi-task. We trade off socks with cowls, slippers and sweaters, hats and more… as if by having more things on the needles at the same time we can somehow complete more in the same amount of time.

This we know is crazy-talk, but we do it anyway.

Once upon a time I only had one knitting project going at a a time. This meant that when I was tired of the pattern, the boredom of acres of stockinette, or fiddly cables, or color-changes, I would put the project in time out and fuss about what I would RATHER be knitting. Sometimes the time-out lasted years.

My sister and I have since declared such things ‘craft supplies’. Anything labeled as such does not need to conform to the standard rules of maturity (finish one thing before you start another), or fiscal responsibility (tossing, rather than OD’ing on eggs as we collected enough empty eggshells for our annual egg trees). Over the past three, no wait, four? several decades I think we have extravagantly wasted about $15.83 on perfectly good raw egg because we simply could not stomach another quiche, scrambled, or souffle egg meal. I can live with that.

No, you may not ask how old the oldest time-out project is. You may wonder all you want how many projects I have OTN (on the needles) because I doubt I could give you an accurate number anymore off the top of my head.

Um… my name is Kali and I knit.

I should be working on the Westford Chorus Playbill, or in bed because tomorrow comes too early and I have had a cold and too little sleep but…

Today’s joy was spending time with Liam, Aidan, and Docious and their parents who spent the night with us. I had to return to work midday, but I had the morning with them and returned for dinner with them at home instead of at their place.

That was a long lead-in for the conversation Liam and I had after dinner…

“More chocolate!”

“No, Liam, you have already had two chocolates.”

“I can still reach them.”

You are right. I will help you by putting them up where you cannot reach them.”

“But I can climb on a stool and get to them.”

“Hmmm…this is true. I will move them again.”

“I can climb a chair and reach them, see?”

“Just because you CAN reach reach them does not change the fact that you are not allowed any more.”

“I can wait until you are not looking and sneak up to reach them.”

“Just because you CAN, does not make it right. If you take something you know you are not supposed to have, it is like stealing.”

(crest-fallen face)
“But I WANT more chocolate.”

“Chocolate is good, isn’t it? Even if you can get more, and even if you can do it without anyone knowing except you, it would still be wrong.”

(serious upset face, brow furrowed trying to reason a way around the logic)
“But I WANT it.”

“The two pieces you had were delicious, right? When I have trouble not having more of something I like, I have to find something else to do to take my mind off it. Like…read a book.”

“I’ll still want it.”

“Probably. Which book would you like to try?”

This conversation went on a bit longer, but eventually he was trundled off home to his own bed (still protesting, but weakly).

The best part? It was more a dialog than a tantrum. He listened and heard my answers and tried to create a solution that met objectives. That is one smart four-year-old kid.


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