Opening your snail-mail mailbox is a common enough event. You put your hand into the cavern and extract the contents; usually bills, on rare occasions a card or letter might be in the mix, or maybe a magazine you have a subscription for. Last night I opened the mailbox and out cascaded a plethora of catalogs. Pretty pictures to enjoy and pretend-order until you add it all up and realize that a) you haven’t won the lottery yet so funds will be an issue and b) even if you could order it all, you don’t have enough places to put most of it.

There were sale and clearance catalogs, new Fall merchandise and Back-to-School circulars, shoe and foot health catalogs, too. There were catalogs from Home & Hearth, Current® paper products, Winterthur, Pot Pourri, Macys®,, LL Bean, Carol Wright® Gifts, and one from (I think) Collectibles, Inc. That catalog had in bold script on the cover “New 2007 Christmas Catalog!”

Um…this is AUGUST, barely mid-August, even, and I am getting a CHRISTMAS MERCHANDISE CATALOG!!! I used to bitch when they came out before Halloween and gave up, finally, because they ALL seem to come out early-to-mid-October nowadays. It isn’t even Labor Day for Pete’s Sake! (Who is Pete and why do we always worry about his sake?)

At this time of the year I freeze in the office, and come outside to defrost. The idea that soon I will not be able to defrost outside is NOT a happy thought.

Also, I do not want to consider a bazillion snowmen/women/animals in various media, size, and characterizations, exhorting me to enjoy the winter season. The outdoor lighting sets of wrapped gifts on a sleigh, the cheerful elves, the self-inflating outdoor displays are just so not me. I do enjoy a touch of holiday whimsy here and there (I have a couple gold wire deer that perch on the front porch) and I like striping the outdoor lamp post with red ribbon and a live wreath. The rule is: No Christmas decorations go out before Thanksgiving, and the snow people have to wait until January!

I wish the catalog people felt the same! Grrr! I fussed and fumed all evening at the horrid commercialization of the Christmas season (Christmas without Jesus? I don’t think so!) and why I ended up on a list that seemed to think I was an appropriate mark…although…I did see one thing I might consider getting…so I pulled out the order form in the middle only to discover that the catalog wasn’t sent to me at all. It was sent to the previous Mrs who died 9 years ago. (I hope they don’t hold their breath waiting for her order.)

They didn’t think I was a crass, cheap opportunist at all.

As Roseanne Rosanadanna used to say

“…..never mind!”