Every day I put moisturizer on my face in the morning, and evenings, too when I remember. I always wipe the excess cream off on my backside…which means I probably have the youngest-looking and softest-feeling tush possible.

My tush does not need this extra treatment. It is usually covered up with clothing, bed covers, and bubbles in the bath. It is rarely exposed to the elements, unlike my sister’s breasts which love to bay at the moon every chance they get. I believe her breasts are none the worse for their noctural adventures. Perhaps I should consider mooning the moon?

I have an itchy nose. It drives me crazy how itchy it is every morning. Would you believe I have been bothered by this itchy nose problem for YEARS and only just this past weekend noticed exactly WHEN in the morning it begins to itch? It begins the moment I put powder on my nose. Not before. This morning I experimented with a shiny nose and EUREKA! No itchy nose!

I am not done with body parts.

Many people are familiar with carpal tunnel syndrome – the shooting pain that heavy computer users experience. Not to be outdone by the cacophonous keyboarding around me, I have not one, not two, but ALL THREE of the tunnel syndromes. They are: carpal tunnel (wrist – probably overuse combined with injuries sustained in my – ahem – “youth”), cubital tunnel (elbow – also called golfer’s or tennis elbow – I do neither of these but marathon knitting may have contributed to it), and tarsal tunnel (ankle – definitely a multiple of clutziness-related inijuries). They all respond nicely to the standard treatments of rest, ibuprofen, and braces (not the wire ones, fortunately!).

When I wear both the elbow and wrist braces on my left arm I feel like a Power Ranger geared up to seriously kick butt in the universe. Pow! Pow! The fact that my aim sucks and I couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn only 20 feet away (literally!) is besides the point. It is my fantasy, and I always blast my target!

Okay. Now I am done with body parts.